So seeing as I have been in India for awhile now, I feel that it is pertinent to talk about the biggest change that I see in myself...my assertiveness. Those who know me well would say that I have trouble being assertive and truly telling people how I feel. Mainly I think that I am constantly worried about hurting others's feelings so instead I just prefer to keep things to myself, even if it bothers me. My lack of assertiveness has actually bothered me for quite some time and it has been something that I have gradually tried to work on over time.
Being in India has helped me to be more assertive with my feelings and emotions. I find that many Indian women tend to be more blunt and straightforward, and this is an attitude that I have had to adopt while I am here and maybe I will retain some of this attitude when I go home (instead of being the epitome of Minnesota nice). I find that communication is imporant in any relationship, but if you are not fully telling someone how you feel, you aren't communicating fully.
A perfect example (and one which I am extremely proud of) is when my roommate Rachel and I were traveling on the metro a few weeks ago. The metro can get extremely crowded (if you are claustrophobic, take another form of transportation) and at times it can feel like you can't even breathe because you are so tightly packed into such a little space. On this particular day, Rachel was standing in between the overhead bars and couldn't reach a bar, so she decided to hang onto my backpack, while her other hand lay safely at her side. As we were cruising along the lady next to us turned around and started shouting at Rachel to stop pushing her and leaning up against her. Rachel politely told her that her hands were at her sides and she hadn't even touched her, but the lady continued to argue and then abruptly turned her back on Rachel. I was quite taken aback at how blunt the woman was being, especially when I had been next to Rachel the entire time and could see that there was no way she was doing what the woman was accusing her of. So I proceeded to tell Rachel in a loud voice (so the woman could hear), that she should just ignore the woman and that the metro is always crowded, people touch one another, and that is just how it is. As the metro continued to roll along the tracks, I just kept thinking how wrong it was of the lady to yell at Rachel and that it made me feel annoyed at her unjust acusations. I decided to be assertive (with a slightly more aggressive, to the point manner) and as we were leaving the metro I turned to the woman and said, "If you don't like people brushing up against you are touching you, next time take a taxi." Rachel saw the dumbfounded expression on the lady's face as we were leaving and could not help but roar with laughter. I realized then and there that it was one of the first times I had ever reprimanded anyone for their behavior. Not only did I stick up for Rachel, but I allowed her to feel better about the situation (she later told me that it was the highlight of her day). I had rarely stuck up for myself in such a way, but I had seen something that I did not agree with and was able to vocalize my dissent.
I am hoping that with time that I become more assertive with my thoughts and feelings, and am able to tell others how I feel. I know that sometimes people won't agree with what I say, or how I say something, but that is their right, just as it is mine to say how I feel. I can honestly say that this is a way in which India is changing me...for the better.
Being in India has helped me to be more assertive with my feelings and emotions. I find that many Indian women tend to be more blunt and straightforward, and this is an attitude that I have had to adopt while I am here and maybe I will retain some of this attitude when I go home (instead of being the epitome of Minnesota nice). I find that communication is imporant in any relationship, but if you are not fully telling someone how you feel, you aren't communicating fully.
A perfect example (and one which I am extremely proud of) is when my roommate Rachel and I were traveling on the metro a few weeks ago. The metro can get extremely crowded (if you are claustrophobic, take another form of transportation) and at times it can feel like you can't even breathe because you are so tightly packed into such a little space. On this particular day, Rachel was standing in between the overhead bars and couldn't reach a bar, so she decided to hang onto my backpack, while her other hand lay safely at her side. As we were cruising along the lady next to us turned around and started shouting at Rachel to stop pushing her and leaning up against her. Rachel politely told her that her hands were at her sides and she hadn't even touched her, but the lady continued to argue and then abruptly turned her back on Rachel. I was quite taken aback at how blunt the woman was being, especially when I had been next to Rachel the entire time and could see that there was no way she was doing what the woman was accusing her of. So I proceeded to tell Rachel in a loud voice (so the woman could hear), that she should just ignore the woman and that the metro is always crowded, people touch one another, and that is just how it is. As the metro continued to roll along the tracks, I just kept thinking how wrong it was of the lady to yell at Rachel and that it made me feel annoyed at her unjust acusations. I decided to be assertive (with a slightly more aggressive, to the point manner) and as we were leaving the metro I turned to the woman and said, "If you don't like people brushing up against you are touching you, next time take a taxi." Rachel saw the dumbfounded expression on the lady's face as we were leaving and could not help but roar with laughter. I realized then and there that it was one of the first times I had ever reprimanded anyone for their behavior. Not only did I stick up for Rachel, but I allowed her to feel better about the situation (she later told me that it was the highlight of her day). I had rarely stuck up for myself in such a way, but I had seen something that I did not agree with and was able to vocalize my dissent.
I am hoping that with time that I become more assertive with my thoughts and feelings, and am able to tell others how I feel. I know that sometimes people won't agree with what I say, or how I say something, but that is their right, just as it is mine to say how I feel. I can honestly say that this is a way in which India is changing me...for the better.
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